#I have not a single narrative regret

[somesecretpie]

What is a regret which you have in the making of the Broccoli Soup webcomic?

Honestly I have several:

1.) Not organizing any of my files for the first 10 episodes. That’s really coming back to bite me in the ass right now.

2.) Not putting a lot of stuff of different layers (if I ever attempt to adapt this into a page comic it will kill me.)

3.) Not making the speech bubbles bigger in the everything store. Terrible readability

4.) All my grammatical errors

5.) Making Broccoli not green

[absolutelyarealperson]

I think Boston got a happy ending. He's getting a fresh start, and everything in the finale just felt like it was setting him up to leave for America with no regrets or loose ends.

He apologized for the things he did wrong, and pointedly did not apologize for the things he didn't do wrong. He's a messy boy and I love him for that, but he absolutely did some things worth apologizing for, so I'm not mad at the fact that the show let him apologize. He did everything he could to repair his relationships with his friends, and for the most part, he did repair them. Cheum is happy to welcome him back into the group. Ray is still protective of Mew, and is always going to side with Mew over Boston when forced to choose, but he doesn't seem to harbor any hard feelings of his own. His friendship with Mew is irreparably broken, and that's kind of ok with me. It's true to life; some relationships you can repair, and some you can't. But Boston did what he could. He doesn't have to hold onto guilt or wonder what would have happened if he reached out.

The friend group dynamic was never going to go back to what it was before, because Boston was leaving the whole continent. There was always going to be a shift. We were always going to end up with all of the others getting close and having experiences together without Boston there. But he fixed things enough that they're staying in touch.

And he and Nick broke up a bit earlier than they would have. But they would have broken up anyway. That relationship always had an expiration date. Boston set it up that way on purpose (I feel like knowing it had an ending was the only way he could give himself permission to even try for the first time, but that's probably a whole other post I could make). And he got to learn about himself. He likes romance; he can fall in love. It's just that romance and sex are two completely separate things for him. And he's moving to NYC! You know he's going to find some like minded people and figure himself out further, and find fulfilling relationships that work for him, now that he knows more about his wants and needs.

And it's so much better that Nick didn't follow him to New York. I cannot see that ending well. Because once Boston and Nick both learned enough about themselves to have an open and honest conversation about what they wanted in a relationship, it was clear that they loved each other AND they wanted fundamentally different things. Somehow a clean break for a reason other than the move to America feels better. They're not holding on or trying to stretch out the end so it hurts more or longer. They loved each other. It meant something. And it ended. The end doesn't make the rest matter less.

And Boston, a Boston who learned and grew from the events in this series, is planning to be totally out in America, away from his dad. No more hiding. No more worry about black mail. He's the person taking the photos and choosing to make them public as art.

Everything about the finale just felt like it was setting Boston up for a fresh start in the best and cleanest way possible. Repairing the ties that could be part of his support system, even across continents. Cutting ties that were only going to hold him back or hurt him worse. Letting him get things off his chest, so he could leave without regrets or what-ifs. I think this episode was so good to Boston.

[secondpersonpoetry]

hi! heard the released “Merry Christmas, Please Don’t Call” (which i’ve seen you’ve heard live, if i’m not mistaken!!) this morning and i don’t know if there’s really a particular vibe/dynamic/ship hrpf-wise (personally haven’t yet been able to put my finger on it) that quite relates but the lyrics have been rotating in my head all day and i was wondering if you had any thoughts? hope you have a good one! <3

OH ANON HAVE I EVER SEEN IT LIVE!!! and the second that song came out i zoomed it straight into my fic playlist and unfortunately there are so many guys this could be. right now the one that's resonating is, of course, the golden boy and his haunted ghost themselves: mcstrome.

i am thinking about connor, specifically, after the stanley cup final. that game seven. how angry he was, how loud the silence when they told him he won the conn smythe. how close he's come before and again and again lost. there's nobody else to blame but himself. he's in the empty room and he knows why (1)

at!! your best!!! you were magic!!! oh, golden boy. connor the anointed, of course. at the very beginning of his career we always knew he was something special and who wouldn't have fallen in love with him? weren't all of us a little bit dylan strome in awe of the generational talent? we were all bathed in radiant light just by being in the vicinity (2)

don't even tell 'em that you know me breaks my heart (3). in terms of building a narrative i think i've said before there is a universe where connor/dylan were together before the draft and to protect both of them, dylan breaks up with him. connor says i love you and dylan says i don't. because he doesn't, you know? he loved connor. he loved davo. he can't be in love with connor mcdavid, first overall pick of the edmonton oilers. i'd rather be hurt forever than have to watch us try to make this work and destroy us.

and after connor mcdavid left the otters, dylan strome captained them to a memorial cup win. what a haunted home, eh? to be captain of the team you and your best friend were on, only now he's left you? don't call me to tell me about your rookie season with the oilers--we both know about your broken collarbone. don't call me to tell about becoming the youngest captain in franchise history when i stepped into the shoes of your captaincy here. don't call me. (4)

narratively: dylan's the one who broke connor's heart and his own but by god it wasn't easy. we both know what happened, you went first overall. please don't make this harder on me. please don't call.

this verse can be about the weight of dylan having to live up to connor's standards and always being measured by him. i would just like to bring up the connor stepping stone chart for absolutely no reason as well (5)

we are, at long last, at the potential future of now: dylan strome, happy, smiling, thriving on the washington capitals. connor, on the oilers. i'm not yours, dylan can say. haven't been for a long time. it took some time but i made this. please don't call and ruin this for me, stay out of my life. i don't want you or need you (6)

[p.s. this took a while because when i received this ask i was a) immediately possessed to write this verse by verse breakdown i had never thought of before and then b) immediately plagued by the idea of making you a little graphic (above the read more) and finally got to do it after banging out all the actual lyric thoughts two (?) weeks ago. emerging two and a half hours later from the fugue state of GIMP with 37 layers in this bad boy hope you enjoy!!!]

[dansemacabre]

i’ve been thinking about “sixer, it would eat you alive” since i read it and. man. every layer you peel back makes it worse. im not a bill apologist but. shit

if you (1) take it at face value, it paints bill as an apologetic murderer in his single (and maybe sole) open moment of regret. he doesn’t let his walls down often- only with ford do we even get to see the remnant of his galaxy, see the “actual remorse” ford describes, get just a hint of his origins. but he does it, because he thinks ford should know.

if you (2) take it from ford’s point of view, as something he committed to journal three, like. wow. imagine being so committed to a being that you’d hunt down and kill the monster that destroyed his home, only to (assumably) figure out later that that being was the monster. the small moments of trust, the “good times”, are so key to manipulation. how long did ford hold onto that one shred of vulnerability? no wonder ford stayed for as long as he did. in his eyes, bill was a survivor. ford wanted to survive too.

(slight tw below for unreality- any time i mention our reality, i mean “our reality” as a narrative device used in the book of bill as a proxy for the idea of bill being in our reality, since he can’t actually be in our reality. all of this is a fictional theory about a show/book with fictional contents!)

but if you (3) remember that “even his lies are lies” and absolutely Nothing bill says should be trusted. Whoo boy. if i read tbob right the book itself is being created in the theraprism (even tho it shows up with the ciphertologists at some point? idk that’s a whole other post). it’s meant to show what the reader wants to see; it manifests in our reality as what the collective fandom wants to see. so if we want to see truth, if we want to see where bill ended up and who he actually is, there’s a non-zero chance that the whole interaction was a complete fabrication.

imagine bill, stuck in the actively harmful, probably earth-illegal theraprism, once again being forced to be “fixed” and molded into something more palatable, being forced to conform no matter how much it hurts. (i know natural uncontrollable mutation ≠ just so much murder and destruction and chaos, but. you can’t ignore the similarities. bill has obviously been thinking about those silly straws.)

he looks back on everything that went wrong, back on his relationship with ford, back through every dimension where he wins. would that one moment, that one truth amid centuries of lies, have saved him from purgatory? if he had just been open? shown his damage? maybe he did think of his parents, or his henchmaniacs (especially the oracle). people who he might have once opened up to. maybe he just wanted to open up to someone again.

so in his own weird way, stuck in a cell, he reshaped reality again. in this reality, for this fleeting moment, he had been someone worth believing. and ford had listened, hell, ford had wanted to help. looking back, knowing how he treated ford, knowing how ford ended up because of it, maybe bill would have said the most honest thing he’d ever told ford: i am the monster, i am not worth your time or belief, and i will eat you alive.

[sky-scribbles]

Rook's notes for the team in the event of my (probably impending) death:

Lucanis:

My swords are yours. Like yours always were mine, when I needed them.

My spicy soup recipe is inside my Rivaini dictionary.

Spite:

You can have my poetry books.

Bellara:

I entrust you with all the elven artefacts that I’ve collected in my room. Keep anything that speaks to you, and make sure our people get the rest.

Please make sure my translation of that elvhen narrative epic is published. It was eight years of work.

Thank you for being my family.

Lace:

My bow is yours. I’m sorry it’s too big for you to use, but… it took care of me. I want it to go to someone who will take care of it.

Show Emmrich more of the world, since I cannot.

Taash:

My chocolate stash is in the bronze puzzle box. Good luck.

It has been such a privilege to watch you embrace who you are.

Davrin:

I know you’ve been coveting my halla horn charm. It’s yours, and if you find the craftsmaster of my clan, she’ll teach you how to carve them.

Pet every griffon for me. Pet them twice.

Neve:

Please take care of my cat.

Emmrich:

If you’re not too busy overthinking every little thing

We’ve been happy. I don’t understand why now

Do you think I don’t

Sorry. I understand being afraid to say what you feel. You know that I do.

I was afraid to love you too, in the beginning. I’m terrified of what it would do to me to lose you now.

I don’t regret a single thing.

As I have before, I entrust my body into your hands. Bury me in the Memorial Gardens. I love it there; it is a kind place. Raise no stone for me, but plant a tree over my body, and promise that my bones will stay below the earth. I will return to the soil. That is the Dalish way.

Anything I have not bequeathed to another is yours. As is my heart.

I hope that when your time comes, you will no longer be afraid to say that you loved me. I hope you will not be afraid at all. But if you are, know this: if any last spark of me remains beyond that final veil, it will be waiting for the last spark of you.

Manfred:

Yes, you can have that scarf you thought I didn’t see you trying on.

Take care of Emmrich for me.

[dinarosie]

Let His Story Be His Own

I believe that people have the right to create their headcanons about characters, but many fanon creators (Especially Marauders fandom) deeply believe every single sentence in this narrative and think it's canon (left image), and they insult the fans of severus snape.

To them, Snape, at best, is Lily’s toxic friend who did nothing in his life besides poisoning Neville’s toad and calling Lily a Mudblood. Yet characters like Pettigrew and Barty Crouch Jr. and Rosier are tragic heroes and victims of domestic violence!!! (The image on the right includes some signs of trauma and depression that I’ve taken from this article; you can see that Snape clearly exhibits some of these symptoms.)

It’s insane that not only do they erase Snape’s name and belittle and shame him for his psychological trauma, but they go even further and falsify his story to favor Death Eaters like Barty Crouch Jr. and Evan Rosier!

People like Rosier, Crouch, and Regulus were neither tortured nor forced into joining Voldemort due to family pressure or trauma. They joined him willingly. Rosier fought and died for Voldemort’s cause until his last breath. Crouch and Pettigrew never regretted their choices, and when given another chance (unlike Snape), they eagerly rejoined Voldemort. They were ready to kill and torture at Voldemort's command. 

Stop crafting dramatic and heroic stories for psychopaths. If you’re looking for a tragic and romantic hero, the only one in the story is Severus Snape.

He is the one described as a poor, neglected child who was abused and physically harmed by his family.

He is the small boy with black hair, crying alone in a corner, watching his mother being abused by his father.

He is the child and teenager who was publicly mocked and humiliated because of his appearance and poverty.

He is the genius child who could have become one of the greatest wizards in history, but his life was never his own. He was a soldier, a tool of war, with no chance to build the life he wanted.

He is the one who, in adulthood, exhibits clear physical and psychological signs of depression and trauma.

He is the one who, due to his insecurity and vulnerabilities, felt forced to join Voldemort in search of a place where he might find some semblance of peace and safety.

He is the one who loses the love of his life and his best friend because of Voldemort and wishes for death because of it.

He is the one willing to give up everything for love.

He is the one who has been manipulated his entire life and battles with guilt and depression.

He is the one who stands up to Voldemort, deceives him, and bravely dies to save others.

He is the one who watches all his friends and loved ones die and is powerless to save them.

It was him who was “'the bravest man I’ve ever known.'”

(That man had nothing in his life; at least let his story remain his own.)

[spidey-webs]

Scrolling through AO3 and saw something I wasn't expecting: Hal and Jason fics. And usually, the Jason Todd-ification of DC fandom is not my cup of tea. But. There's an interesting concept there. Just not one I've ever personally seen addressed.

And that's:

Hal actually fucking did it.

Every single thing Jason fantasized about at the height of his wrath? Hal actually did it. Hal killed his mentor and his tormentor, Sinestro, with his own hands. And he decimated the friends that didn't stop his tragedy, killed the comrades that didn't care for his grief, and reduced his all-mighty masters to nothing. He actually ripped Henshaw to shreds.

Hal is the dog that bit back. The dog that not only bit the hand that fed, but went for the throat next.

Hal is the League member that went bad. There's many parallels there to Jason's narrative, should one want to look for them.

Moreover, Hal's pain became a palpable, all-consuming thing that devoured everything. Hal's tragedy, his grief and his rage and his pain, was so great it caused a literal Crisis (the second crisis ever! Out of only seven!), tore reality apart, erased entire timelines. It had long-lasting effects on the entire universe for years to come. (On a more personal note for Jason: It hurt Batman. On a deep, psychological level.)

It mattered.

But it also did not help. It didn't make Hal feel better. It didn't fix anything, despite how desperately Hal believed it would. It, in fact, made everything worse. Hal regretted all of it.

And I think Jason Todd reckoning with that tale would actually be a genuinely interesting way to explore his character.

I'm not caught up enough to know whether these two characters have ever interacted in canon, but I think I'm well-read enough to say: probably not. And if they did, probably only superficially.

But I think there is room for a very interesting conversation between these two characters.

Hal being basically the embodiment of Vengeance for a time is also an interesting element, if the timelines were shifted around so that Jason crawled out the grave before Hal's rebirth. Like. There's a foundation for one hell of an interesting dynamic here.

[thevirgodoll]

doll diary.

hey angels! PSA: the wrong environment can literally take the life out of you. I’ve noticed ever since I stopped being in a hostile work environment, my skin cleared back up, I started back my maintenance routine, I got proper rest, and I’ve had more time to write posts and draft them.

point of it all is: if you’re compromising your desired lifestyle/dream, it’s not for you. if it feels wrong in your gut, in your heart, then you HAVE to walk away. and if you can’t just yet due to circumstances, live as if you have.

delusion carries people through the WORST situations. but it’s not delusional if it’s destined to happen.

exist in a reality where everything is okay and you have your dream lifestyle. it’s already on its way to you. if something pulls you further apart from the world you created, how healthy is it?

whatever doesn’t fit your narrative has to go, and I really mean that. people lose themselves in regret every single day. I refuse to play myself like that.

don’t get distracted by a lifestyle you aren’t meant for that you compromise your values and your dreams.

ask yourself if this job, this person, etc is part of your storyline. you’re the producer and you call the shots. or are you in a new season?

think of everything and everyone that doesn’t fit as plot points to push along your story. same with opportunities. just something to lead you from one place to the next.

that’s all for now. stepping into my new season.

[itsabouttimex2]

“You need to do better.”

(This gets vitriolic, and is a full-blown criticism of Macaque’s portrayal in Season Four and Five. If criticism of a character/franchise you like upsets you, I do not recommend reading.)

Wow. I had no faith in his character writing, and I’m STILL disappointed.

And it only took one episode! How impressive!

Macaque, who has put in ZERO on-screen effort to become a better person or make amends to his victims, is criticizing Wukong for being a bad mentor! And does Wukong criticize him back? NOPE!

After getting screamed at and berated, does Wukong defend himself? NOPE!

Ooh, but there was a second long reference in a dual yelling match that mentioned that Macaque was a genuinely bad person who took glee in hurting innocent people! Oh, fucking delightful! Ooh, Wukong even points out in one episode that Macaque goes without consequences!

Pointing out a flaw in your writing does not make it less of a flaw.

Macaque will always be allowed to do whatever he wants to anyone he wants- power theft, attempted murder, insults, deceit, assault-

And the narrative and characters will never hold him accountable or force Macaque to look inwards or become a better person.

Macaque will always fall upwards into redemption without any obstacles or pushback.

There will never be a struggle to goodness with a satisfying conclusion. There will never be a moment where falters in his newfound goodness and questions going back to his old ways. There will never be explicit remorse or regret. He will never have deep introspections on his crimes and atrocities that provide a reason for him to want to change.

The sum of his “arc” will always be “you were a good guy all along”, and that lack of depth is where it will stay.

RIP Seasons 1-3 Macaque. You were fun and interesting and cool and lovable.

But the man they replaced you with was destined to be a boring and brooding “anti-hero” who has no real connection to the actions you selfishly and violently performed with your own two hands-

And you will always be a less interesting character for it.

The execution of the actual arc boils down to a single heroic (but ultimately self-serving) moment and then Macaque is immediately forgiven for all the crimes he’s committed and is a magically better person without any effort and nothing he’s done is ever brought up again.

It severely weakens any character’s arc to cut them off from their past actions. If MK forgot his traumas every season instead of carrying them forward- we’d all agree that doing so was a case of poor writing.

It was the reason that people disliked Mei’s portrayal in Season Four- she immediately moved on from the Samadhi Fire arc and “no longer wielded it” after spending a whole season gathering and learning to use it.

Why can’t we agree that it’s bad for Macaque, too?

You can’t “develop” a character by dropping an entire plotline and writing it off with one line.

You can’t “redeem” a character by pretending that they were a good person right from the start.

Sorry, bud.

I really did like you. I just wish I could like your writing.

——————

And, what is more clear to me now than ever?

People only defended Macaque’s shitty writing because they think he’s hot.

I know this now, because I’ve seen white-hot Li Jing arc hatred from fervent Macaque arc defenders.

So we all agree that an “I didn’t really mean it!” isn’t an excuse to abuse the people around you? That you don’t get to mistreat innocent people just because you’re stressed and upset?

Hmmm.

Hmmmmmmm.

I wonder why people despise Jing for his dogshit “one nice thing redeems all your bad actions” arc but love Macaque for his??

(Because they think the monkey is hot.)

The funny thing, though?

Li Jing apologizes to at least one of the victims of his actions. He expresses regret and remorse.

Macaque doesn’t even have that.

——————

Anyways here’s a line that I hate because Macaque has in no way developed enough to have the right to deliver it-

AND NO, SUDDENLY HAVING AN AFFINITY FOR PERFORMING KIND OR SACRIFICIAL ACTS IS NOT GOOD CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

HIM MAGICALLY OFFSCREEN BECOMING A GOOD PERSON WHO CARES ABOUT INNOCENT LIFE IS NOT GOOD CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

IF ALL IT TAKES TO “BE BETTER” IS ACTING LIKE A HERO, WUKONG IS LITERALLY A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER OF A PERSON THAN HE IS

THIS LINE IS DOGSHIT

“You need to do better.”

Really, Macaque? Maybe you should take your own damn advice- try apologizing to one of the people you tried to hurt and tried to murder in cold blood!

Like when you trapped MK under his staff after stealing his powers and tried to murder him when he was helpless?

Or when you kidnapped MK’s friends and tortured the kid by forcing him to fight them?

Or you led a violent assault against a palace full of innocent people?

Or violently beat his dear friends until they were screaming in pain?

Or assaulted Tang, who posed no threat to you?

Or threatened to murder an innocent girl if you didn’t get your way, then ran away (and encouraged MK to abandon her) first thing when it put her into a life-threatening meltdown of raw power?

(Isn’t it cool how NONE of these people have interesting or varied reactions to him doing this and ALL immediately are cool with him like a gelatinous hivemind.)

(Oooh ONE mildly questioning line from Pigsy but no anger over his adoptive son nearly being killed multiple times over)

(Isn’t it cool that no one has complex or interesting thoughts on this.)

(Isn’t it cool that by robbing them of unique feelings on the matter they robbed Macaque and the Monkie Kids of compelling and interesting interactions that could’ve helped flesh out their personalities and strengthen their characterization.)

(Isn’t it cool that Macaque and the Monkie Kids are actively denied intriguing character dynamics so Macaque’s shitty “redemption arc” can happen faster.)

(Isn’t that cool.)

Why don’t YOU do better, Macaque?

(In a way that is more satisfying than “one kind-hearted speech from a kid that I tried to murder changed my mind and now I am a better person but all my character development happened offscreen and without personal introspection”, at least.)

Also what the fuck do you mean by “do better”?

Be heroic and put your life in danger? He already does that! He’s done it more than you have!

Just tell MK that he’s not alone? YOU COULD DO THAT YOURSELF, MACAQUE!

Help MK with his traumas and fears? MK doesn’t tell anyone about those! He keeps them bottled up, lock and key, and actively refuses attempts to help!

Wukong TRIED to reach out to him, and MK PUSHED HIM AWAY! Was he supposed to tie the fucking kid down and torture the information out of him?

He respected MK’s boundaries by not pushing any further and letting him leave!!

WHY IS THAT A BAD THING??

What the fuck, man

[menlove]

I’m sure you’ve answered this one before, but what do you personally consider to be the single most convincing piece of mclennon evidence and why?

goddddd this is tough bc for me it's all of them mixed together that makes me dead certain

but I'll narrow it to three bc ik lyrics as evidence piss people off so my first two answers are going to be Brushed Off

but genuinely the most convincing to me is "this one" by paul. like the fact that he literally says it's about john and regrets re john and then the lyrics are

like I genuinely cannot think of an explanation for this song being about john than him having been in love with him. like literally can't think of a single thing that could make these lyrics platonic it's literally the most blatant thing he's EVER done

but people haaaaaate lyrics proof bc they'll say paul is a narrative writer and it's not literal (even though he Literally said it's about john lmfao)

so I'll move to John Lyric Proof that is so blatantly referencing paul and them having had a romantic thing going on but. the real life demo. the linked post goes into it, but it's so fucking obvious it hurts my heart for him. in it, he says: "was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday? I used to hold you in my arms. and now a baby, and another on the way. la la la la la farm." which can be about literally no one but paul unless john was having some never heard of before affair with linda. paul was expecting another child & lived on a farm, and right before that john had made a reference to him and linda taking a cruise. and he's crying in this demo. but "I used to hold you in my arms" is the like #1 thing that convinced me that they Had some kind of physical relationship bc the rest of the song is very literal so there's no reason he'd be making only one lyric up

BUT LYRICS ASIDE BC THEY MAKE PEOPLE MAD. my #1 non-lyric evidence has gotta be handed to paul's "if I were a girl, maybe I could go out and..." quote lmao like to me there's just 0 non-romantic interpretation of that one. he's just blatantly saying if he were a woman, he'd let himself feel obviously romantically spurned by john leaving for yoko and he could get him to come back. but he can't, because he's a man. it really doesn't get more obvious than that to me

[taffywabbit]

oops i accidentally wrote a review for zelda II: the adventure of link

(originally posted to Cohost on Feb 22, 2024. you can ignore this if you want, i just wanted it archived somewhere before that site disappears)

Finally beat Zelda II for the first time last night (I forced myself to finish it before starting Splatoon 3's Side Order DLC, because I knew if I didn't push through to the end of the Great Palace THIS time then it'd be years before I tried beating it again. This is probably my 4th or 5th attempt at this point). Not that this is a particularly hot take by most people's standards, but I don't think it's all that good, at least from a gameplay standpoint.

I don't regret playing it though, because I think I'm finally able to put my finger on the stuff I actually disliked about it vs the stuff that was honestly fine, or even (very rarely) actually good? I'm kinda fascinated by it, honestly. Sequels where they immediately screw around with the first game's formula (to mixed results) are neat! FE Gaiden is another example that comes to mind (hey they should give Zelda II the Shadows of Valentia treatment, that could be really cool actually).

Obviously Zelda II has a reputation for being kind of a rough experience. It's an NES game, and NES games are often susceptible to being frustrating, buggy, hard to control, or overly punishing. Sometimes, all of the above! And for what it's worth, the original Legend of Zelda was a tough and sometimes very cryptic experience as well. But I feel like the two games are challenging in drastically different ways, and I think TLoZ ended up being the formula that was retained in the long term primarily because its method of challenging the player overall did a better job of inspiring curiosity and exploration. Despite narratively being a direct sequel (with a really badass story premise that is unfortunately not really conveyed at all in-game) Zelda II took a different approach to nearly every element of the original's gameplay, which is a pretty bold move I suppose. Whether or not it succeeds at anything is fairly subjective, but it's undeniably had a lasting impact on the series, as well as the people who grew up with it (and then they went on to make some really excellent mid-2000's flash games inspired by it that I frankly enjoyed a lot more than this... and also a weirdly solid licensed Adventure Time game on the 3DS? I should go back and play that sometime, it's really fun).

Where to start with this...? Uhhh, the EXP-based leveling system where you choose what stats to put your points into is interesting! It creates a risk-and-reward system for fighting enemies instead of avoiding them, whereas in most other Zelda games besides BotW/TotK, the only reward for killing monsters is "they are no longer bothering you while you solve puzzles, and also sometimes they drop rupees/hearts/ammo". It also introduces a bit more player choice in what areas you'd like to get stronger in first, which is cool! I just wish it actually mattered in a way that let you feel powerful for even a moment. Instead, leveling Life (which is functionally just defense) is never enough to actually make you feel like you can afford to take a hit - the expectation seems to be that leveling Attack, Life, and Magic is something you do purely to keep up with how badly every single thing in this game wants to stomp you into the ground and soak up a million hits and waste all your magic. You CAN skip out on leveling one stat to prioritize another, or even try to evade tough combat situations entirely, but if you aren't leveled enough and in the exact things the game expects you to be WHEN it expects you to be, you'll immediately bump into some new asshole who jumps out of nowhere and can cut you down in 2-3 hits. Leveling doesn't make you tangibly stronger, it merely keeps the game barely playable.

This actually ends up being the core problem I have with Zelda II's design, far more than just the combat being clunky and overly punishing or the levels being visually samey and super hard to navigate. In most Zelda games (and also in a lot of other RPGs!), you get a better sword or a new power or item, and it opens up exciting new options for both exploration and combat. In Zelda II, you level up or earn a new item/spell, it's useful for maybe 20-30 minutes, and then it's immediately nullified. Wow, you got the Fire spell! Now you can finally deal with Tektites and Basilisks (which are immune to all other attacks) on the way to the next area! Well, I hope you had fun with that, because Fire doesn't work on most things you run into afterwards.

Easily the biggest game-changer is when you unlock the Downward Thrust sword technique, and finally have another option for combat besides just crouch-hopping and poking monsters with a dull butter knife. It's satisfying to use, it looks cool (by this game's standards), and it even has some utility for crossing hazards or defending yourself against swooping enemies! Cool! Unfortunately, they don't let you play around with that for long either, before nearly every enemy you see starts rolling up with helmets or shells that make them immune to attacks from above, and you never really get anything like that again (the Upward Thrust exists later, but it's far more situational and frankly not very fun or intuitive to use). Rather than feeling like you're being given tools to overcome challenges and stay above the difficulty curve, it feels like you're constantly just slightly underequipped for everything (even if you grind to earn extra stat levels) and any edge you're given is swiftly taken away from you. (Except the Reflect spell, which is ALWAYS a banger after you get it because it makes your shield Actually Do Its Damn Job after nearly every enemy starts shooting projectiles you can't block. Good work, Reflect spell.)

I feel like I grew up hearing plenty of people talk about the overall difficulty of Zelda II, though most of the complaints about its puzzles were surface-level jabs about the short cryptic NPC text, and none of that prepared me for just how ridiculously obtuse its mandatory puzzles/secrets can be. I genuinely have no idea how anyone would EVER find the Life spell - pretty much your ONLY source of healing outside of towns, since there are no hearts to pick up in this game - without some kind of guide. I was FURIOUS when I finally looked up where to find that lady's mirror and discovered that you have to walk into one of the houses, go over to the table that looks EXACTLY like every other table in every other house in the entirety of Hyrule, crouch, and press B, and you'll just pull the mirror out of nowhere. This type of interaction does not exist ANYWHERE else in the game and there's no in-game hint to indicate that you should try this. Absolutely maddening.

This and its predecessor are both games that seemingly expect you to have the physical manual on hand to help you find secrets, but at least in the first game, the way the game was designed was consistent enough that you COULD feasibly find your way to the end of it without a guide. Bombable walls in dungeons always being located in the center, things like that. It had rules and it could generally be trusted to follow them. Zelda II, in comparison, has a final level (the Great Palace) in which there are numerous rooms that look IDENTICAL and if you make one wrong turn you can go through the entire [very difficult and dangerous] dungeon on a path parallel to the one you need to be on, only to hit a dead end and be able to see the spot you're supposed to be reaching on the other side of a wall. Except you would also never KNOW you need to get there, because it looks like another dead end full of monsters but there's actually a completely invisible hole somewhere in the floor over there that drops you into the hallway leading towards the final boss. Also there is no map. TLoZ had a map. I don't know why this game doesn't have a map. Possibly because if you try to look up maps online, most of the dungeons feature non-Euclidean spaces? Idk, even a Super Metroid-style grid map would've done wonders here.

The combat is... fine? I truly don't understand how anyone thinks it's GREAT though. Zelda II is kind of like a version of Castlevania where you don't have a whip and instead have to stab everything at extremely short range, and also sometimes enemies have shields so you have to crouch sometimes to stop them from blocking you. It feels tense and high-stakes but only because, as I mentioned earlier, you really cannot afford to take stray hits in this game. Most enemies chew through your health at an alarming rate, even with the Shield spell active, and there's almost no way to replenish it unless you use a Life spell (which costs a huge chunk of your magic, possibly softlocking you if you end up in a place that requires other spells to progress). I got better at the combat over the course of my playthrough, but I never felt like I got good at it - most of my victories against strong enemies felt like pure luck and there were rarely consistent strategies for success. All of this combined with the fact that Zelda II has limited lives (and I mean LIMITED - there are only six 1-UPs in the entire game, which can each only be collected once) and getting a Game Over anywhere outside of the final palace will send you all the way back to the starting area, and it makes for an incredibly stressful experience. Even making use of savestates to lighten the fear of death can only do so much to improve it.

Overall, I think that Zelda II is a game that has a lot of really promising ideas, but then just absolutely flops when it comes to the execution. I didn't have a better way of organizing these but here are a few examples of elements I DID particularly like, even if they didn't always stick the landing:

I like the idea of the RPG leveling system in theory, but wish it was more empowering in practice and actually let the player make meaningful choices instead of just being required to survive. Choosing to hold off on a Life upgrade and instead save up just a little longer to boost your Attack feels awesome, until you time one of your inputs wrong and get destroyed. In a game with better-tuned difficulty and combat, this system would be great!

I REALLY like that Zelda II introduced a magic system to the series! I think it's cool as hell to have Link learning and casting spells to protect himself, solve puzzles, and exploit enemy weaknesses, instead of relying purely on items. (It's honestly weird to think that a system I associate so strongly with classic Zelda gameplay has only actually showed up in 4 of the games?? I guess you could consider the runes/hand abilities in BotW/TotK to be kind of like modern spells, or the slowly-refilling energy gauge in ALBW to be the most recent iteration of a Magic Meter, but both are highly debatable. Anyways I just think they should let Link shapeshift into a fairy again, that was cool.) But most of the spells in this are fairly situational and your access to magic refills is so limited that you rarely have the freedom to experiment with the spells' secondary functions (hey did you know the Spell spell turns most enemy types into slimes? that's wild. I wish I'd known that sooner).

The overworld functioning like a traditional JRPG, with top-down exploration broken up by semi-random enemy encounters, was something I honestly didn't hate. It's a little weird for Zelda, sure, but I could see it working well to support other systems in a more polished game. Overworld encounters that switch you into a type of gameplay other than turn-based JRPG combat are something I've always been fascinated by!

Anyways, weird game! I'm glad I finally got closure so I could figure out how I personally feel about it, independent of whatever the random youtubers I watched as a teenager thought. And now I never have to play it again :)

[corvus-frugilegus]

Spite Meta! Riffing a bit on a solid post from @antivancathedral and some thoughts i've been stewing on about spirits and demons for a hot minute here.

I've been chewing on this line from Morrigan towards the end of regrets of the dread wolf for a while now:

"But like any spirit when ANGERED or twisted against her purpose, a more violent aspect arose." (emphasis on angered mine)

This is the line for me that really cinches the idea that Spite isn't a demon. And reinforces that spirit-demon seems like it's maybe a false dichotomy. Sure some spirits get stuck at an extreme, but vascilation along a scale of emotion feels normal right? Like Wisdom and Pride can't strictly exist in isolation they go hand in hand and aren't necessarily always in conflict either. So while spirits in the Dragon Age universe tend to focus on a single facet of human emotion it's also true that they're a reflection of the mortal world and we know that spirits struggle with the idea of the world as a static entity- So why would their very natures be fixed?

There are a few things that support this fluidity to the nature of spirits that we see throughout the series.

Mythal and Solas both in some ways vascilate between their two aspects. We see in conversation with the fragment of Mythal that she manages to hold the duality of both benevolence and retribution. Even as a fragment she carries both. We see this in Solas too, he's wisdom twisted by pride but even as he misses the big picture on things he's close to it's true he simultaneously shows wisdom in how he speaks and acts and the thoughts he shares. This is perhaps more good natured in inquisition, especially so in a Lavellan romance, but even in veilguard his cunning and trickery relies on wisdom too- he knows when to be subtle and when to push. He too is simultaneously embodying both ends of a spectrum.

So coming back to the Morrigan quote above: Angered is a really key word here. It's easy to focus on twisted beyond their purpose, and I think that's what we see most often in the series. The back against the wall possession of mages and this extreme depth of feeling / extremity of circumstance that forces a spirit to stay within a more violent aspect of its nature. It's also true that most of the examples of possession we see and the way demons are framed earlier in the series is that malicious spirits are always lying in wait to take hold of the mortals to exit the fade (in light of the elf knowledge this feels much sadder actually, especially given the camaraderie we see between spite and manfred). This is largely the Chantry line. The examples of "good" natured spirits and spirit possession we do have feel much closer to the version of Spite we see in veilguard (if less inclined towards stabbing- arguably this is the influence of Lucanis).

So angered is what I keep coming back to with Spite. Is Spite a permanent state of being- the totality of Spite's being? Or has both Spite and Lucanis's experiences pushed Spite into fight or flight. (let's be real it's fight Spite loves a knife). This really tracks with Spite's role in the narrative too- Spite is an allegory for Lucanis's trauma, and like all spirits a reflection of the world, in this particular case Lucanis's mental state.

Anger is a protective emotion. Anger is something we tend to feel in repsonse to a violation or an injustice. Both Lucanis and Spite have SO MUCH TO BE ANGRY ABOUT. It's through the violation and injustice Spite and Lucanis have experienced that Spite's nature has shifted in the way it has. Spite is the determination to survive. Spite is what carries both of them through the Ossuary. Spite is what keeps them "safe" (heavy on the quotation marks here) when Zara and her lackeys are doing everything in their power to break them. Spite is Lucanis trying to protect himself. Spite is this spirit of Determination trying to protect itself.

At Spite's core the facet of the human experience it reflects is Determination. Anger pushes it to something more intense, but Spite has never actually shifted away from its original purpose. And, in a route where Rook completes Inner Demons, as Lucanis heals and begins finding peace, It feels like Spite does too. Given time I suspect Spite will find its way back to determination.

This is probably a whole separate post and deep dive but Spite's role as an allegory for Lucanis's trauma is really important here too. Lucanis has lived through so much and kept going anways, even before the Ossuary. He carries all of these deep wounds and bottles up his emotions so tightly, and I suspect there is so much anger in him deep down from all the hurt and abuse he's endured. Knowing Lucanis it's probably anger he's afraid of. And Spite reflects these feelings too (here as a narrative device more than in a literal sense), Spite reflects the things inside Lucanis that he tries his best to avoid acknowledging. Spite forces him to confront this, forces him to confront the Dellamorte family dynamics. And again, as Lucanis starts to heal and move forward, we see a shift in his relationship with Spite too- because what's also happening is a shift in his relationship with himself. He's accepting the ugly parts of himself and starting to address his problems. As as result Spite itself seems calmer and more agreeable.

Spite was never a demon, Spite is Lucanis protecting himself and we only think of Spite as a demon because Lucanis does. Because that's how Lucanis sees himself.

Spite is a benevolent spirit simply responding to its environment.

There's so much more to this too! Spite's nature is so interesting and there's so much in the lore that I think really solidly supports that 1. Spirits and demons aren't that cut and dry and 2. Spite falls more into a benevolant nature than a malicious one.

[thecrowroad]

I wish Kieran was a companion in Veilguard. I mean, I get why he wasn’t - there’s too many potential world states that would make writing his plotlines way harder than BioWare had the resources to deliver. (Especially the ones where he technically doesn’t exist)

But.

Kieran as a companion would give the game a direct link back to Origins, and could still be handled without it becoming a lore quagmire for new players. Dragon Age is driven by the consequences of your actions, and his existence is a very literal consequence. He was born in 9:31 and Veilguard starts in 9:52 - at 21 years old, he’d be both the baby of the group and the one with the widest, weirdest experience of the threat they’re up against. The context and lore he could give insight into would be amazing.

If he as conceived through the Dark Ritual, then he was host to Urthemiel’s soul before Flemeth/Mythal took that destiny from him. He could/would/should have insights into the Evaneuris and their archdemons. He knew Solas as he was growing up, he’d have opinions on his regrets. Taking him with you to negotiate with Mythal’s fragment might annihilate that deal, or might turn it into something else.

If he was only ever a normal boy - he’s still Morrigan’s son. He grew up in the wilderness and in the Val Royeaux court and Skyhold. He’s had the most eclectic and thorough magical education his extended families could provide. He might be a royal bastard with a tenuous claim to the throne, he might be the result on a one night stand with a dwarven petty criminal. He’s an outsider to every single situation he’s ever been in. Even without the Old God’s soul, he’s got to have picked up a hell of a lot more context than everyone else is operating with.

If he’s part of the Party, Morrigan is either the third evil crone/mother alongside Caterina and Shathann (Bioware, look at your issues), or stands in contrast, supporting his choices while also being terrified out of her mind for him. As Rook’s very involved mother in law, you’ve got a route to both comedy and narrative tension.

He feels like he could be such an interesting lens into the Gods and their ambitions. What the hell was he up to during Veilguard?

[sgiandubh]

2023 or last week

That's not really matters', what is interesting is that Caitríona has a very high level of privacy in her movements or travels

She has a private life that is completely away from notice and attention, no press, no ordinary people, no fan who meets her by chance

Wow.. as if she had the invisibility power since 2019.

Dear Privacy Level Anon,

We're going to do things a bit differently, this time, with an audio answer. Nice to meet you, by the way:

For those who need a transcript, here goes:

'Your charade has very simple answers:

No Press? The Press would have to actually care or be sold a juicy tip/story, about that elusive B-lister who is such a compelling Claire Fraser (huh?) from Outlander ('wait a minute, that nice, secksay series around 2016, right?'). Press interest is, however, likely to immediately jump up, the minute she lands a better PR team and/or a part in a really relevant cinema project. Let's see what those two next movies bring, Anon.

No Ordinary People? Imagine you're Jane Doe (aka, an Ordinary Person), traveling from 🛫 London to 🛬Bangkok. Upon arrival at 🏯Suvarnabhumi Airport , while waiting in line for the notoriously looooong passport control (full profile pic included), you spot C (or S, or C and S, or C and S and Boos 1, 2, 3... 554). They vaguely remind you of someone. That someone could be anyone from a) your cousin Matilda's co-worker you have been briefly introduced to, three years ago; b) someone who looks like your homeland's host of 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire' TV show (totally random example, here); c) someone who looks like that actress you once saw in that TV series which name you can't really remember. Ultimately, the fact that you are unable to put a name on that face really irritates you. Your feet hurt, you are sleepy, grumpy and you need to go to the bathroom ASAP (🚨🚨🚨🚨). Meanwhile, S and C kiss, Boo #456 is as unhappy as you and wants his blankie. Did I mention you need to use the 🚻 (somewhere far away from 🛃) ASAP? S and C 💋💋💋💋 some more. YOU NEED TO USE THAT TOILET AND YOU'RE STUCK IN THAT STUPID LINE. Boo #433 wants their mommy's attention NOW (🥹🍼🤦‍♀️), so you sympathize a bit ('what a cute 👶, just like his/her parents') but you are really focused on your 🧻problem. By the time you dragged your 🧳to the 🚕 area, in the thick, humid heat at Arrivals, you'd have forgotten everything about it, but remember every single second of your Passport Control Ordeal.

No Fan? Outside of these Tumblr/X/Instagram jihadist pockets, no casual 🪭 would probably ask for a pic, provided they remember the name of the series (it is really poor taste to go for it and candidly tell her/them something like ' oooh, I remember you from The Last Kingdom, such a wonderful series'). Out of those who still go for it, I bet the farm:

85% keep The Nice Pic tucked in their iPhones and just randomly share at the next school bake sale/corporate teambuilding/ Rotary Club meeting with random people saying random things like 'oooh, she's nice, wait a minute, wasn't she in The Last Kingdom'?

10% foolishly post on X or Instagram, to be immediately greeted by The Fandom Vigilantes, courtesy of alerts installed on their own iPhones: 'where was it/ when was it/was she alone/yes? why?/no? why and with whom/ what did she say/ did she say anything/ why didn't she say anything'. If, by a very probable misfortune, what you have to dish out does not click with the Greeting Committee's agenda, expect to be: a) treated like a 5 year old idiot or a tortured POW ('was she alone...? was she alone...? are you sure she wasn't alone...? ARE YOU SURE SHE WASN'T ALONE? ANSWER ME, WAS SHE ALONE?'); b) Caitsplained she is married to someone else and what you saw is an optical illusion; c) perhaps even forced to adjust your own narrative (maybe that 6′ 3" Viking was Tony McGill, after all? 😵). You immediately regret posting it on your public Social Media accounts, erase the pic and go private. By the time you do it (12 hours from posting), it would have been dutifully screencapped, in a middle of a full blown Fandom Skirmish.

5% know what Tumblr actually is (at a minimum) and/or are actively involved in its Fandom Subset. The minute they post is the start of just another Nagasaki episode. The DM inbox will explode with a rich array of pleas/insults/more Caitsplaining. Comments will range from the ecstatic to the revoltingly vulgar. And remember (LOL for weeks):

The Fandom will eventually never forgive you for sharing.'

[hcfiles]

Qué será, será.

Whatever will be, will be.

The future's not ours to see.

Qué será, será.

What will be, will be.

All we have to do is wait a few more years or even, months. Pretenders always end up revealed and exposed. And, Natalie can't hide her baby forever nor stay hostage. I'm sure she's being well paid, but really missing her party friends. She won't stand to disappear and she's probably missing her promiscuous life.

And, when she shows the baby, we will see who he/she looks like. If he looks like an European or a Latin, for example. Dad will, proudly, want to post pics of his child for algorithms, especially being so happy in love and in life. It might take a while, but we will know. She will have to go out and take her baby out to get some light and people are everywhere with cel phones. Natalie and her baby can't hide forever.

But, let's play with our imagination and suppose, for a while, that Henry and Natalie are, in fact, married for over four years, husband and wife for more than four years and that this ridiculous circus was their brilliant, pathetic idea to introduce his m*stress to the world. If so, this guy is an idiotic. But, it's really hard to make this exercise when there are so many red flags of his misery during the last four years, while this woman seemed to give a f*ck.

If so pleased and happy with his romantic situation and so "proud of being her man", he wouldn't give a damn about what his fans thought about his PR (?) "wife", who is still a girlfriend on social media, and they would actually look like a real couple, not colleagues who get together for promotional pics and lousy romantic performances of a fake happiness, staging a circus, while she promotes her breasts.

But, the same way this shenanigan started, it ended. Abruptly, without a clue. No one has a clue on how, where and when these two met and now, Mr. Perfect went back to performing his old single bachelor persona, not the father figure, despite promising we would "have more of it". He should win an Oscar. And he has lived as if these four years had never happened, switching characters as if switching a key. Like a movie that took four years to be produced, launched, exhibited and promoted.

Maybe, he had regretted exhibiting his promiscuous "wife" (?) as a sl*t, as a good misogynist would do, and now, had decided to stop with the circus. But, I thought they were having fun. And his algorithms were increasing by exposing his promiscuous to public execration. So, why stop now? I don't believe a child would stop both. They love the attention and even pay paps to follow them around. They wouldn't blink for a second to use "their child" to increase their algorithm even more.

They used a sick dying dog, for Christ sake! Why not a child? Henry is a money maker gulable for attention. That's all he thinks of: Money and spotlight. That's why he became an escort in many PR stunts, because those are way more lucrative for his pocket and image, allowing him to always perform a new show for a new PR contract.

Someone here suggested a PR marriage would be more logical if he wanted to hide his sexuality. OK. But, it turns out that marriage (fake or real) would publicly turn him into a boring and steady guy, he wouldn't increase his algorithm that much with the marriage narrative and it wouldn't call much of attention after a while nor produce that amount of gossip on the internet.

But, escorting in fake-dates with many... Well, that certainly causes a fuss and allows him to make money as an escort and always be in evidence, each year or so, with a different chick every now and then. But, back to our exercise, can somebody explain to me how a single bachelor, who enjoys parties, smoozing and boozing with a bunch of drunk and gay friends and a loner life, all of a sudden, from one day to another, becomes a father of a promiscuous' baby?

Oh! Yes! He enjoys the smoozing and boozing in nightclub parties and she apparently, came out of one of those nightclub promiscuous' parties from Mayhem and that's how they met. Or maybe, she was never promiscuous, but, a very religious, pure, respected, steady woman, who was a victim for having a promiscuous porn actress as a double. One way or another, no doubt they were made for each other. Funny, if not tragic.

So, if you wanna know the true story of this plot, just wait and see what the future may bring. Qué sera, será.

[magicgirlboss]

CONTENTED MEN HAVE SHORT MEMORIES. CAPTAIN FLINT'S NAME IS ALREADY HALF FORGOTTEN. MY NAME IS JOHN SILVER AND I HAVE A LONG FUCKING MEMORY. THEY HAVE LITTLE REASON TO FEAR THE DARK. IN THE DARK THERE IS DISCOVERY. THERE IS POSSIBILITY. THERE IS FREEDOM. I SEE A LIFE FOR MYSELF WITH HER AND I WILL NOT LIVE IT WONDERING IF TOMORROW IS THE DAY YOUR NIGHTMARE FINALLY TAKES HER AWAY FOR GOOD.

CONTENTED MEN HAVE SHORT MEMORIES. AND THEY HAVE LITTLE REASON TO FEAR THE DARK.